I need to find a sense of direction. I have no idea how I have the number of followers that I do. I feel like I’m wasting your time. But then I remember this is the Internet; that’s why you’re here. Nevertheless, I still need something substantive to offer. I care what people think of me and of what I post after all. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have a tumblr.
You think that there’s going to be some great stuff on them, but when you click on them you quickly realize how similar they all are. And then it makes sense why they’re being suggested.
What you say: “Our TV shows are better than the shows on now”
What you sound like: “Back in my day, we could get a bottle of coke and a cheese burger all for a shiny nickel.”
What you say: “These kids won’t have the benefit of playing with toys like I did. All they have are ipods and computer games.”
What you sound like: “Back in my day, we had to walk a mile in the snow just to get to school.”
What you say: “OMG, kids born in the 90’s are so stupid.”
What you sound like: “Back in my day, youngsters showed respect to people older than them.”
Here’s the thing, our parents and others born in the 1970’s felt THE EXACT SAME WAY ABOUT US; people born in the 1980’s.
Thank you. I’m sure the concept (of a blog) was lost among tumblr users.
Epic - Having an amusing time isn’t epic. Nor is seeing a movie or going to see an obscure band you don’t even like play. This is by far the most grossly misunderstood word.
Random - Not even random number generators are random. What makes you think you are?
Psychological - Taking an introductory psychology class and assuming Freud and dream analysis are the gist of it is just academically criminal.
Fact (especially when used in conjunction with the above word) - You clearly believe anything on the Internet. You probably even believe there are local hotties in your area who want to chat. And when this word is used in conjunction with the one above it, it’s as if you actually believe it and intend in passing on your “knowledge” you acquired from the Internet.
“Just lost a follower. I don’t really care though.” - Then why did you take the time out of your clearly busy life to even mention it? You know what, don’t tell me. I don’t really care.
Photography - Owning a dslr and taking a few pictures with it hardly constitutes talent. Although I suppose getting a few notes on tumblr is all the validation and confirmation of your “ability” you need. Instagram doesn’t hurt either, especially since you’re not a hipster.
“tmi” - If you’re offended, shocked and appalled that your followers would ask you such questions regarding your penis’ characteristics and history after asking them to send you “tmi” questions, you can easily solve the problem you created by simply stopping.
Apocalypse - It’s an apocalypse. The implication is that everyone is dead, or in accordance with tumblr, a fucking zombie. Those who do manage to survive are most likely in shape and not on tumblr all day talking about how awesome the zombie apocalypse would be and how the item to their left would be their only weapon. And just because you have a dream team in mind, what makes you think any of them want you?
Credit - Good for you, you did the google image search yourself. (a thanks to stoned-on-toast for this one.)
“I post what I like. I don’t care what other people think.” - You clearly do care, and you probably don’t just post what you like, but also what you hope will spark interest from others and get them to reblog and follow you. If you truly didn’t care what people thought, you wouldn’t have searched for a platform to get your thoughts across the Internet and to a mass audience. And even though a remarkably micro sized portion of Internet users will ever see your page even once, you remain oblivious to that fact and still want your reblogged quotes and pictures to inspire.
Tumblr - You’re convinced it’s a sophisticated platform for sharing ideas, thoughts and creativity. (Well except the new dashboard. Fuck that. It’s really something to go to war over.) But really it’s just a glorified version of Facebook, which is just a glorified version of myspace. And really, it isn’t much different than real life despite the general consensus that it is. The most attractive people are the most popular, there are several cliques depending on what people are into and the people with something interesting or unpopular to say in a non-abrasive way generally go ignored. But we can all at least agree that tumblr is impossible to quit for the stupidest of reasons of which we aren’t quite sure.
Not attractive enough.
Not attractive enough to justify my attitude.
Not in a relationship so I can’t post pictures or make references to a significant other.
No “artsy” photographs that are actually just porn screen caps.
No “fashion/lady gaga/Harry potter/boys/photography/design/lulz/so follow me!”
Not enough pokemon.
Not a vegan or vegetarian.
No reblogs of very similar photos with 500+ notes each that show how unique I am.
No “I claim no rights to anything I post unless otherwise stated.” because i honestly believe people think I have talent.
No “geek” or “nerd” interests such as comics or video games.
No reference to apple products other than criticisms.
Almost no gifs.
Not a graphic design major.
Not a pansexual/asexual.
No kitchen or sandwich jokes.
Not just posting images but actual text.
Not enough mean girls references or mash ups.
No true blood/dr. who/black swan/Natalie Portman in general/adventure time/cupcakes/Katy perry/air or plastic bag references/glee or Darren criss/skins/snl or other NBC comedies/Inception/Joseph Gordon levitt.
No self esteem issues.
No 30 day challenges that I never finish anyway.
Not a “hopeless romantic” whatever the fuck that means.
No animosity towards people born in the 1990’s, the decade that followed my own.
No “midlife crisis” or “feeling old” while in my early 20’s.
No Mumford and sons.
No awkward moments or bro tips.
Not an introvert that needs to announce to the world that he is an introvert so people know how to properly interact with him.
No contradicting colloquialisms written over generic and obscure images that all perfectly describe my life.
No “psychological facts.”
No Anne frank memes.
No pity parties or posts about being sad/lonely all the time.
No Chanel/Alexander McQueen
No absolute hatred or love for lady gaga.
No proclamation of indifference towards losing followers even though by posting about it I acknowledge that it does in fact affect me negatively in some way especially since I’m more than certain that this post will cost me a few.