These 4 words accurately summarize my weekend. It started when we got to the hotel room. It was already 1 in the morning by the time we were all ready. All of us that is except for one. She didn’t have a valid ID (it expired 8 months ago), she didn’t have any money (at all) and she didn’t even have an appropriate nightlife outfit. Yeah, I know. Since it was so “late” in the night already we agreed to go to a bar or somewhere that didn’t require dressy attire. Nope. She thought that because we got there so “late” we wouldn’t go out until the next night. Nope. We wanted to go out. So my friend Jesse, drunk off his ass already, started trying to convince her to come. “Why did you even come to Vegas then?” Things got crazy, she made some rude comment, it got crazier with him screaming at her and us trying to convince him to just leave her. “Come on Jesse, let’s just go, she doesn’t want to go out.” He refused our requests for a good 15 minutes. And after all was said and done, we finally just decided to go without him. We get to the elevator, and my friend Adrian goes back one last time to get him and he refuses. So we left.

Unsure of where to go since it was already 2:30 when we finally left, we saw a limo pull up to the casino we were at. Adrian went and asked him how much it would cost for the driver to take us to the hustler strip club. Oh yeah, it was a hustler limo. Here’s how it looked inside:

And for $30 we got the ride there and back, free entry into the club, coupons for free drinks and a free bottle of champagne. Adrian knows how to fucking hustle. So we get into the club, order our drinks and enjoy ourselves. “Robert, give me $20 for a lap dance. Please.” “Here.”  

Remember how we left Jesse back at the hotel room? Yeah, he was fucking pissed off beyond belief. He texted all of us several times with “fuck you’s”, “assholes”, “I’m going home” “where are my keys?” etc. He called me at least 5 times asking to speak to Adrian or Carmen, but they were done and he wouldn’t listen to me. I tried to tell him to just take a cab but he was drunk and refused to hear me. So I gave up and enjoyed myself. We danced a bit in the club and just drank. Good times. So Curtis, our limo driver, picked us up and took us back to our hotel. I don’t remember the ride home, but I do remember getting into the limo and then instantly being by the elevator trying to apologize to Jesse. Carmen and I did our best to calm him and down and eventually got him to come back to the room. So after getting back into the room, and not a minute after, Jackie starts to throw up. She begins running in circles with her hand over her mouth and bits and pieces flying everywhere. I find a plastic bag, open it up and hold it for as she does her business. She then took the bag into the bathroom and proceeded to vomit a second time. I took off my clothes and knocked out the second my head touched the pillow. And although I was either already asleep or just don’t remember, I was told that Jackie, after throwing and cleaning up, fell to sleep with a smile on her face. 

Morning time. This is where the title kicks in. While reminesing about the events that took place the previous night, Adrian and Carmen added another phrase to list that Jesse texted all of us. The phrase being, “YOU’RE DEAD TO ME!” We repeated this for the rest of the weekend. Once we were all awake, Carmen wanted to take a shower but Sam, the one who didn’t go out, had been in the bathroom for a good while and was pissing off Carmen. “Fuck, she’s been in there for 2 hours.” She got more annoyed and stated, “I’m not afraid to bring out my ghetto.” She did. The video I’ll post in a bit captured the moment perfectly and was the primary source of laughter. “I’m gonna fuck somebody up.” “Yes I am.” “Are you taking a shit!?” “You look the same!” “OH MY GOD!” (Once you see it, you’ll understand.) After this, we went to Cabo Wabo Cantina at Planet Hollywood, I had some enchiladas and had my meal paid for. Adrian owed me for the dance. 

Nighttime. It’s around 10:30 and we’re getting ready to go out again. Every person who went into the bathroom got the Carmen treatment. “Are you taking a shit!?” And yes, we all looked the same, some of us worse. Consequently, Carmen was dead to all of us. Curtis picked us up from the Excalibur, and we went to Tryst at the Wynn. Here’s how it looked:

We managed to get on the guest list and received free entry and drinks. Carmen can hustle too. The music was ok. Too much hip-hop and a small dance floor, but otherwise a really classy club. The dance floor went outside so we didn’t get sweaty while dancing. The bathrooms were classy too. Attendants greeted you as you entered and leaved, and stood by patiently with towels while you washed your hands. The stalls were reflective and had words written on them. I would have taken a picture, but I didn’t want to be escorted out of the premises. At about 3:30 we got tired and left. Jesse wanted to stay a bit longer but was outvoted. We were all dead to him.

After the club we walked to McDonald’s. I told Adrian to order me chicken nuggets and a small soda. He still owed me for the dance. So he ordered the Vegas special, 50 chicken nuggets, 2 large fries and 2 large drinks for $15. Fuck yeah. After that Jesse and Adrian really wanted to go to the strip club again. I was spent and just wanted to crash. So we got a shuttle back to our hotel. Adrian managed to hustle again and get what would have cost us $60 for $30. Taking 2 taxis would have cost more. The shuttle smelled like a fucking locker room and had 2 stripper poles. I’m pretty sure we all caught something from them. Here’s what it looked like:

When we got back to the room, I was dead to Adrian. “Adrian, no one was stopping you from going to the strip club. Did I say, no Adrian, don’t go; I don’t feel like going so you can’t go either? No, I didn’t. If you wanted to go, then you should have gone.” “You’re dead to me Robert.” “Bitch.”

It was so much fun. Really. I wish you could have gone. You’re dead to me.